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In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.