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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.