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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!