Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We`ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.