Daily Silly Status

*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.

I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.

Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"

My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.

I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.

Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.

On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.

“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.

It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.

In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”

Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women

I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.

The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line

A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?

It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.