Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.