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And then her mood ring just...exploded
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...