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Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.