Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.