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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
Autocorrect changed "you`re so wise" to "you`re so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.