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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
It seems like the āLā in my luck has been replaced with an āFā.