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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?