Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
I need new swear words.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.