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I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.