Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.