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There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."