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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.