Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.