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Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
So long pants! See you Monday!
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."