Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.