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Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
Doormats are a gateway rug.