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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.