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Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!