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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.