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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe