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More food should come with prizes inside it.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
My inner self is in Photoshop
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?