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Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
Trust me, I am a liar.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...