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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
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