Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.