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ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”