Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...