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I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever