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Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D