Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
I don`t hate you, but if you we`re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
u cant spell awesome without me
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?