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I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.