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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"