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I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?