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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.