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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
This status has been censored by Facebook
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong