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"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.