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Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
I’m bored enough to clean.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?