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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.