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A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?