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If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.