Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven