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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."