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you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.