Daily Silly Status

Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress

A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.

Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!

I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.

The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.

Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?

The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.

Is Nudeism a religion?

I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.

Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....

You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?