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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.