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When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.