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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.