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Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
Save water, shower together.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.