Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
"May the 4th" be with you!
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
Autocorrect changed "you`re so wise" to "you`re so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.