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I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.