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Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.